Is This Miracle?

I slept at 5.30 am. Well, I know.. it was not night anymore but I only managed to sleep at that time. Finally. I spent the whole night preparing my resume and did multiple laundries and stuffs. I’m going home.. for good.

Aku berfikir sepanjang malam. Sambil basuh baju, sambil tunggu mesin basuh selesai, sambil jemur baju, sambil menaip, sambil makan, sambil termenung, aku berfikir. Aku taip resume, dan aku masih berfikir soalan yang sama. This is what I want?

Aku boleh apply kerja dekat Hearing Aids Centre, but is this what I want? Aku pegang pendirian aku kena kerja benda yang aku cinta jadi aku tidak perlu berkerja sepanjang hayat yang aku ada.

So, I search for private hospitals. Disebabkan goverment bekukan pengambilan sampai diberitahu semula, so I just to find any position that suits me or my degree. I just did.

Aku betul betul betul betul betul tak tahu apa yang aku nak, sampaikan aku letak kepala atas bantal pukul 5.30 pagi aku masih fikir. Ada juga aku terfikir apa kata kerja dengan nursery? Atau buka nursery, now that’s imposibble. I don’t have that much money to start with.

So, I just closed my eyes and started to dream that I was surrounded with kids. They’re laughing, and enjoying their childhood and I was in that dream, the happiest ever.

Bunyi telefon and it’s Wan.

Terbangun.

Tarik nafas panjang lagi. Is this what I want? I guess yeah but I don’t know. It was 10 am and my neck hurts. Aku letak kepala salah angle and sampai sekarang nak toleh kiri kanan pun susah.

Aku singgah pejabat pos and aku realize yang banyak benda dah berubah. Setem no longer 30 cent, it 70.. more than half. Aku beratur and out of sudden late 40s female berdiri sebelah aku. Aku senyum dan angguk as I nicely ask her to que in front of me. The only thing I can remember her; she has that mamak’s look. Muka India muslim. Mamak is better. Whatever.

Lepas aku beli setem, aku cari bangku batu untuk tampalkan pada resume. Masih celaru, dan masih tarik nafas panjang. I didn’t know why but it happened.

And again this woman came and sat beside me.

“Rajinnya awak? Buat apa?”
“Tengah cari kerja,”
“Rajinnya,”
“Tak adalah rajin. Hidup, macam nilah,”

Dia senyum. Aku senyum. I am a nice person even sometimes I’m harsh but I am nice. You can deny but I am a nice person. Now, it is irritating, Huda. Well, I just wanne be a little nicer.

“Acik datang sini jumpa doktor apa?”
“Kencing manis,”
“Oh.. dah lama?”

Bla bla bla. The conversation went on and on and on.

“Eh, makanlah,”
“Tak apa, saya dah makan sarapan,”

Dia suakan aku buah and she wanted me to have a bite which was weird. For me, it’s weird.

“Baguslah awak ni,”

Again?

“Tak adalah. Saya dah 24 so saya kena fikir macam mana nak hidup sekarang. Government hospital maybe tak akan panggil buat masa terdekat jadi kena work hardlah sikit,”
“Tak apa, cari je dulu. Mana dapat pergi dulu,”

I laughed.

“Okaylah. Pergi dulu. Ni saya bagi nombor telefon nanti telefon eh?”

I was like what? Why should I need to call her? Why she needs to expect me to call her? But unconsciously I grabbed my handphone to take the numbers and all she gave me was one bussiness card.

“I love you,”

And she just went away. Just like that. Wait, did she says I love you to me? What?

Aku simpan kad tu dalam wallet, errr.. okay fine dalam purse without even looking. Aku masukkan resume dalam post box and aku jalan semula dalam keramaian manusia. I guess USM tengah buat satu event sebab manusia sangatlah ramai.

And out of sudden, again, she was in front of me, smiling.

“See you next time,”

And went away again.

Aku pelik. What’s wrong with this woman or what’s wrong with me? Am I too bright or too gloomy or too whatever that everybody start to notice me? Am I too weird? Did I wear something that catch attention?

Definitely not.

And I remember something which was placed in my purse.

Aku buka wallet ops, purse dan keluarkan bussiness card tadi.
She has seven kidergartens!

And now I’m still wondering, ni alamat apa sebenarnya? Ni jawapan apa yang aku nak ke apa? Still aku ada doubt, aku akan kehilangan semua skills aku ke? Ni apa sebenarnya?

I just take it as an option not more. But,

Miracle does happen, doesn’t it?

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~ oleh INFINITY di Mei 26, 2011.

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