He might didn’t say anything to me. At least not for now and I’m guessing it will be forever. He might didn’t know I’ve never realize him in anyway but I’m questioning how sudden the impression; never be positive nor negative, blooming. As far as I’m concern, I’m the one who always saying I’m going to look at this people or that people but bet you, they will be never permanently sticked.

There will be no word of ‘until’. If you understand.

Now I know why people tend to be secretive. That’s not because of who are they, but who WERE they.

I was being raised with some sort of different ways. No. It wasn’t the way you’ve imagined, it’s the way how I’ve viewed my life, other life. This life. It’s the way where I fight to be known. It’s the way where I saw people who are beautiful, talented, pretty, excellent, charming, well performed will get that full attention.

That was the life where I talked to my heart much than I talk to people. That was the life that put me into jealousy with unknown ending. That was the life I take everything; put aside legally or other way. That was the life that build the way I am.

They said, second child in family will always cause trouble. I like to agree somehow. I am the second child, with stubbornness, rebellious, easily to get sick and the most important point, weird. The weird is far beyond your imaginations.

My friends were excellent in arts; I work harder to achieve the same (or much better).
My friends were excellent in debate; I talked to the mirror almost everynight.
My friends were excellent in many things and I did the hardest I could just to be at least, same!
My friends were excellent in study; err.. yang ni tak pernah menang. Hahhahaha.

That’s my kid’s life. That shaped my life to be a better person today though I want it happen long time ago.

My kid’s life that I don’t want any of my kids feel the same. Therefore, I love them too much, unlimited. Unexplained. I believe every good ending is because of the excellent starting.

I feel my heart was cut into possible pieces it could. It’s hurt but enjoying and teaches me differently in every falls on how should I put the effort to start moving a step forward.

I talk to my heart if it is not now, it will be never tomorrow. It’s okay to cry liters but make sure how to keep it strong and still. I might easily to cry or easily to give in. But deep down, I have the heart that made from the strongest stone.

This happens because of my childhood memories. Aku percaya, kalau kau tak nak berubah tak ada sesiapa yang akan boleh ubah. Kalau kau tak sayang diri kau, siapa nak sayang? Kalau kau rasa diri kau hodoh ke bodoh ke apa ke, orang lain akan lagi rasa terukkkk lagi dari apa yang kau rasa.

Allah tidak akan menciptakan sesuatu yang sia sia bukan?

The first paragraph? How it’s connected?

I felt a bit depresses lately and now it’s RECHARGED! I got the momentum after few reviews.

“Don’t get involve! It’s more than enough! Don’t start it. I’m suffering!”


~ oleh INFINITY di Mac 11, 2010.

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